I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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