bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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