He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
