she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize