Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
