Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
