My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
