More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
