My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
