sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
tell me about the fingering
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
