So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
