I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize