Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
