yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life is pants optional.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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