It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
