I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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