I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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