the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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