and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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