Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
