"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
