I cannot find my penis.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
