Pappa wants mamma naked
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dick very happy bro
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
