Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
