'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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