I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
