The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
