He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
