I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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