I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
