Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
