ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
