I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize