she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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