Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
