My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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