She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
