She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
