First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
