the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
