I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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