I love black thongs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
