I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
