Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your penis caused this!
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