i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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