I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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