If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
