Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
