i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
