Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
