he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
