he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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