my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
