shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
