we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Terrible idea I love it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
