I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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