dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize