he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
