You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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