She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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