I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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