This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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