Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
