dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
