somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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