I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
