dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
