when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
