You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
