So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
