I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
